Wednesday, July 30, 2008
You will get through it
Rev. John read the following at last week's grief support meeting and I wanted to share. John and Donna McDowell are bereavement specialists and grief counselors who have started their own grief ministry called "By His Grace Ministries"
There were so many things in this writing that just struck me, things that I wanted my dear friends and loved ones to know. If you already know, then let the words be a reminder to God's faithfulness to us. The Lord will get us through the darkest days when we feel like no one else in the world could possibly understand the depths of our grief. And may you be reminded that there are others like you that have been through it and are still struggling 2,4,6 years later (for some even longer). It's ok.
You now know how hard the bag of sorrow is to bear. It is hard to bear for not everyone understands your grief. They did at first, they did at the funeral, they did at the graveside. But they don't now! They do not know how grief lingers. Nor for that matter did you until this grief grabbed you by the throat and tried to squeeze the life out of you.
As silent as a cloud drifts by between you and the sun, memories drift between you and joy, leaving you in a chilly shadow. No warning! No notice! Just a whiff of cologne, a song, a place, a time, and at times nothing in particular triggers it and you're saying good bye all over again. Why won't the sorrow leave you?
Because you buried more than a person. You buried some of yourself. John Donne said,
"Any man's death diminishes me", as if the human race resides on a huge trampoline. The movements of one can be felt by all. And the closer the relationship, the more profound the loss. When someone you love dies, it affects you, it affects your dreams.
Why does grief linger? Because you are dealing with more than memories---- you are dealing with unlived tomorrows. Your grief is for what you lost and what you will continue to lose. The hopes, dreams, plans, todays, tomorrows & forever's you once saw. You are not just battling your sorrow- - you are battling disappointment. You are battling anger. It may be on the surface, it may be subterranean. It may be a flame, it may be a blow torch. But anger lives in sorrow's house. Anger at self, at life. Anger at the hospital, doctors, friends, family and others. Indirect anger or direct anger.
But most of all anger at God. It does not matter, if it was disease, an accident, age, or other we feel as though that life was not long enough. While God knows every life is long enough. If God wishes your loved one in Heaven more than you do, God gets His wish. Isaiah 57:1-2 may give us part of that answer. "Good people are taken away, but no one understands. Those who do right are being taken away from evil and are given peace. Those who live as God wants are given rest in death." God's ways and will is not ours.
Is God taking them away from a disease, an addiction, evil, or a dark season of rebellion, we don't know. Is God taking them away to avoid something worse? We don't know, none of us do. But we can stand on this promise, "The Lord is good and right." Psalms 25:7-8 We must begin there. While we do not understand God's actions we must trust his heart.
God does not want us to deny or dismiss our grief (there is a time to mourn Eccles. 3: 1, 4, 7). Solomon explained using that verse at the death of Saul and Jonathan. Solomon's father David and the entire army tore their clothing, wept loudly and fasted. Death was not soft peddled or ignored.
So we face the shadow of death as we grieve and in all that pain our Heavenly Father is there to carry us as we do until we can once again walk on our own. Trust the Lord even through this pain of grief. The Lord has never given one soul more than they could bear. Satan may try and tell us that and interfere so much he makes it very difficult on us. But what God brings us to, God will bring us through.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
A favorite story "Keep Your Fork"
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
My Aunt Carolee especially loved this story
KEEP YOUR FORK!
I Peter 1:4
An inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away is reserved in heaven for you. (NKJV)
Below is a story that touches my heart every time I read it. I share it with you, hoping you will be blessed, too.
There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things in order, she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.
Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.
"There's one more thing," she said excitedly.
"What's that?" came the pastor's reply.
"I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand," she told him.
The pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.
"That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked.
"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor.
The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me a story that I never forgot and I have tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. Here's her story:
"In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew something better was coming . . . like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful and with substance!'
So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder, "What's with the fork? Then I want you to tell them, "Keep your fork . . . the best is yet to come."
The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.
At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question, "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled.
During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.
So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you ever so gently, that the best is yet to come.*
Beloved Savior, just knowing that You are waiting for me takes the sting out of death and puts joy in my heart.
By Ann Shorb
©Copyright Ann Shorb, 2006
My Aunt Carolee especially loved this story
KEEP YOUR FORK!
I Peter 1:4
An inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away is reserved in heaven for you. (NKJV)
Below is a story that touches my heart every time I read it. I share it with you, hoping you will be blessed, too.
There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things in order, she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.
Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.
"There's one more thing," she said excitedly.
"What's that?" came the pastor's reply.
"I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand," she told him.
The pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.
"That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked.
"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor.
The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me a story that I never forgot and I have tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. Here's her story:
"In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew something better was coming . . . like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful and with substance!'
So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder, "What's with the fork? Then I want you to tell them, "Keep your fork . . . the best is yet to come."
The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.
At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question, "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled.
During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.
So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you ever so gently, that the best is yet to come.*
Beloved Savior, just knowing that You are waiting for me takes the sting out of death and puts joy in my heart.
By Ann Shorb
©Copyright Ann Shorb, 2006
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel like
my dad's memory is
just fading away...
Two years has passed since he left to be in his heavenly home. There are times it feels like yesterday and others it seems like a lifetime ago that he died. Days when I feel like his memory is fading away because it's been so long since I felt his hugs or heard his voice.
God, I miss you dad!!
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