R.I.P Stephany

Dec 23, 1976 - Nov 13, 2007

To anyone reading this please stop and pray for Steph's surviving 6 year old son, brother, parents, family and friends. The first year anniversary of a loved one's death is especially difficult Thank you!


This was in Steph's obituary, put in by her mother:

When you're blessed with a child
You're sent a package of hope
As the days pass by they both grow
The lord watches over as they go
When the water gets deep
And the waves too high
Great spirits step in and open the sky
Forever ours
We Love You Steph!




One of Steph's favorite songs was by Howard Jones
NO ONE IS TO BLAME 1986

I miss you baby girl!!

Memories of Steph

Thursday, November 06, 2008


Soon it will be a year since my cousin Steph died, it's still hard to comprehend that she is truly gone! Since fall started there have been so many memories which have flooded my mind.

To a young woman who will forever be 30 years old, and who will always be my baby cousin when I remember her.

When I think of Steph I remember...


Monchichi's.

Cabbage Patch kids.

Catching frogs.

Lightning bugs.

Hamsters.

Walking barefoot.

The church bell.

Alice.

Dancing.

Trips to Taco Bell.

Finding kids at the airport.

Car rides with the sunroof open.

Corn fields and country roads.

Cool fall days.

Contact lenses.

Goodnight tree.


But most of all I remember one of the most beautiful smiles the world has ever seen. You will never be forgotten.

I've been missing you!! Forever in my heart. Love, J

You will get through it

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

You will get through it


Rev. John read the following at last week's grief support meeting and I wanted to share. John and Donna McDowell are bereavement specialists and grief counselors who have started their own grief ministry called "By His Grace Ministries"

There were so many things in this writing that just struck me, things that I wanted my dear friends and loved ones to know. If you already know, then let the words be a reminder to God's faithfulness to us. The Lord will get us through the darkest days when we feel like no one else in the world could possibly understand the depths of our grief. And may you be reminded that there are others like you that have been through it and are still struggling 2,4,6 years later (for some even longer). It's ok.


You now know how hard the bag of sorrow is to bear. It is hard to bear for not everyone understands your grief. They did at first, they did at the funeral, they did at the graveside. But they don't now! They do not know how grief lingers. Nor for that matter did you until this grief grabbed you by the throat and tried to squeeze the life out of you.

As silent as a cloud drifts by between you and the sun, memories drift between you and joy, leaving you in a chilly shadow. No warning! No notice! Just a whiff of cologne, a song, a place, a time, and at times nothing in particular triggers it and you're saying good bye all over again. Why won't the sorrow leave you?

Because you buried more than a person. You buried some of yourself. John Donne said,

"Any man's death diminishes me", as if the human race resides on a huge trampoline. The movements of one can be felt by all. And the closer the relationship, the more profound the loss. When someone you love dies, it affects you, it affects your dreams.

Why does grief linger? Because you are dealing with more than memories---- you are dealing with unlived tomorrows. Your grief is for what you lost and what you will continue to lose. The hopes, dreams, plans, todays, tomorrows & forever's you once saw. You are not just battling your sorrow- - you are battling disappointment. You are battling anger. It may be on the surface, it may be subterranean. It may be a flame, it may be a blow torch. But anger lives in sorrow's house. Anger at self, at life. Anger at the hospital, doctors, friends, family and others. Indirect anger or direct anger.

But most of all anger at God. It does not matter, if it was disease, an accident, age, or other we feel as though that life was not long enough. While God knows every life is long enough. If God wishes your loved one in Heaven more than you do, God gets His wish. Isaiah 57:1-2 may give us part of that answer. "Good people are taken away, but no one understands. Those who do right are being taken away from evil and are given peace. Those who live as God wants are given rest in death." God's ways and will is not ours.

Is God taking them away from a disease, an addiction, evil, or a dark season of rebellion, we don't know. Is God taking them away to avoid something worse? We don't know, none of us do. But we can stand on this promise, "The Lord is good and right." Psalms 25:7-8 We must begin there. While we do not understand God's actions we must trust his heart.

God does not want us to deny or dismiss our grief (there is a time to mourn Eccles. 3: 1, 4, 7). Solomon explained using that verse at the death of Saul and Jonathan. Solomon's father David and the entire army tore their clothing, wept loudly and fasted. Death was not soft peddled or ignored.

So we face the shadow of death as we grieve and in all that pain our Heavenly Father is there to carry us as we do until we can once again walk on our own. Trust the Lord even through this pain of grief. The Lord has never given one soul more than they could bear. Satan may try and tell us that and interfere so much he makes it very difficult on us. But what God brings us to, God will bring us through.

Missing my Dad

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Missing my Dad


My dad died in July 2006 after a 16 month battle with cancer. This Father's Day will be the 2nd without him here. The pain of missing him is still raw at times, just like it was yesterday. Mostly I feel fine and realize how far I've come in healing and others I just feel knocked down by grief. Most of the surges of grief come around the holidays and special days that I remember sharing with my dad.

He continues to live in memory and there are moments when something will happen where I even feel him near. It is then in those times that I remember his smile and joyful nature. In my mind, I am seeing less of the sad moments when he was sick and can remember the vibrant, fun-loving man he was. I am glad of that, because it is very painful to remember a loved one during their darkest hours. Any way I look at it, feel so blessed that I got to spend time with such a dear man, who was also my dad.

He blessed my life in so many ways. Dad, I love you and miss you!

I found the following poem on the internet and wanted to share it. It is written by a woman who lost her dad to a sudden heart attack, when she was 22. For those of you who have lost your dad, may you find some comfort in the words of this poem.

Dad
by Judy Burnette

Dad...so many images come to mind
whenever I speak your name;
It seems without you in my life
things have never been the same.

What happened to those lazy days
when I was just a child;
When my life was consumed in you
in your love, and in your smile.

What happened to all those times
when I always looked to you;
No matter what happened in my life
you could make my gray skies blue.

Dad, some days I hear your voice
and turn to see your face;
Yet in my turning...it seems
the sound has been erased.

Dad, who will I turn to for answers
when life does not make sense;
Who will be there to hold me close
when the pieces just don't fit.

Oh, Dad, if I could turn back time
and once more hear your voice;
I'd tell you that out of all the dads
you would still be my choice.

Please always know I love you
and no one can take your place;
Years may come and go
but your memory will never be erased.

Today, Jesus, as You are listening
in your home above;
Would you go and find my dad
and give him all my love.

Why

Friday, April 18, 2008

Why?


glitter-graphics.com


Death is a reminder that there are few things in this life that we have control over. But we do have control over choices we make. We can choose to focus on the good and positive and remember all the gifts that the Lord has brought into our lives. Yes, you might want to curse God because he took someone you love so dearly and sometimes carrying on is hard. I know there is a part of yourself that goes with your loved one that died and in some ways you feel like you are being cheated. But the Lord would never cheat you. Tomorrow is another day and another gift from God. Long before my dad ever had cancer, he greeted EVERY SINGLE DAY with a smile and demonstrated his love for others every chance he got. He continued to do so, even after the diagnosis and he knew he would surely die. I try to do the same.

Tomorrow I will smile again, but today I am sad. The news of another sweet soul losing their life to cancer is making my heart ache for those families having to deal with losing their loved one. It's not as close to home as the last two times but it still has an effect on me since someone I love is hurting because of it. I have sat down and prayed for her and the family. She is too far away to hug, so all I can do is write these words and remind her that the Lord is near...

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

All this leads me to think about the last 36 hours of my dads life... as if it is really all that far from my mind. We arrived at my parents' home on that Thursday in Jul '06 and by Friday evening my dad was gone. To this day I am convinced that he was hanging in there, waiting for me. The communication was minimal on that Thursday, but dad was still responding as we held hands and he repeated some of the things I was saying. I remember his eyes looking directly into mine and him saying "thank goodness you made it".

He knew it wouldn't be long. We weren't sure, we just were following the lead of the hospice nurse and prayed for a peaceful ending to a long battle with the ugly monster called cancer. Friday was frightful as we witnessed what the body does as it begins it's demise to death. It seemed as though he was already gone as his body shut down and he was doing the "death moan" as I call it. But I was so sure he could hear as I sang hymns and read some bible verses. I was the last person to give him his dose of morphine so that he could rest peacefully. It had to be comforting for him to have a house full of people who cared and were nearby for mom and I. Although I was not there in the room holding his hand when he died, I was glad I was there to say goodbye. He knew I was there close by and that's what matters to me. This helped me deal with his death... being there. I don't know how I would of coped not being there to say goodbye for the last time.

If we trust in God, we can take life as it comes. There is no denying that we have troubles. I learned from my dad that we just have to deal with things one day at a time. But he also taught me that it is God who gives us the strength each day to deal with life's challenges. We should always go to Him in times of need and that we must also bow down in thankfulness for all that God has given us. Praise the Lord, He is so good!!!!

Blessings K I love you!



"In a beautiful blue lagoon on a clear day, a fine sailing ship spreads its brilliant white canvas in a fresh morning breeze sails out to the open sea.

We watch her glide away magnificently through the deep blue and gradually see her grow smaller and smaller as she nears the horizon.

Finally, where the sea and sky meet, she slips silently from sight; and someone near me says, 'There, she is gone!'

Gone where? Gone from sight, that is all.

She is still as large in mast and hull and sail, still just as able to bear her load. And we can be sure that, just as we say, 'There, she is gone!' another says, 'There, she comes!!!' "


--- Unknown

I love you, Daddy-O

One year has passed and to this day, I miss you more than words can say... I miss your love, your smile, your cheer... When I miss you most, I feel you near... God in his love for me has shown, His wisdom in taking you to his home... And so dear one, I want you to know... That to this day I miss you so.

Dad passed away this time last year July 14, 2006. I knew my dad for 35 years and will cherish all the time that I had him here. He was the most amazing father a daughter could ever ask for. There was nothing my daddy wouldn't do for me and he always tried everything in his power to keep a smile on my face. He certainly knew how to make me laugh

My dad was such a beautiful man with a giving heart and gentle soul. He always seemed to have the right words for me when I would seek his advice. Knowing I could go to my dad always reminded me that I had a safe place and a hug would be waiting. It is difficult sometimes thinking that I will never be able to feel his arms around me, hear his voice or see that shine in his eyes that always made me feel so safe, warm and happy.

I will never be too old to be considered daddy's little girl. I looked up to him in so many ways and I still do. He touched so many people during his life on this earth and I am sure that he is having that same effect in heaven.

Always in my heart…

I love you, Daddy-O

To Be Comforted

To Be Comforted

Say: The one I lost will always remain with me.

Everywhere you go your grief follows you. You are reminded of your loss and feel the pain often. Your heart is restless for that familiar voice and face. The silence of the moment can be deafening knowing your loved one is gone forever. It is comforting to know how much you loved each other. Remembering is bittersweet, consoling and painful. No one can ever take those memories away from you.

A Healing Thought: The grieving you are faced with today will one day change.