What Was Left Behind

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

What Was Left Behind

We have been asked to present some writings in our grief support group and the latest entry required us to write about the things that our deceased loved ones left behind. These could be clothing, photos, mementos, etc. Donna asked us to include what the items were and how they made us feel... a sense of comfort, wave of negative emotions, smiles, what emotions were brought about.

Entry:

What was left behind becomes a part of the legacy dad has given me.

I have many things from my dad that I hold dear. Some of them make me laugh and some make me cry. Either way I cherish each memory and hold them close to my heart because they are the lasting parts of the relationship that I had with my dad. I saved many notes and cards that my dad wrote to me over the years. The messages from dad are both heartwarming and heart wrenching, but I cherish these mementos because they remind me of how blessed I was to be so close with my father. All in his own handwriting, my dad shared his love, words of encouragement, advice, bible verses, and sometimes a silly message just to make me smile. He could never have known how much his written words mean to me now.

Then there are the photographs, memories frozen in time depicting moments where we laughed, loved, worked and played. I am grateful to have so many photographs of my father because they definitely bring me comfort and there are many that make me smile. At this moment, any photograph with my dad in it brings tears because my heart longs to have him here. There is still the ache of wanting to hold his hand in mine, share a hug or hear his voice. A part of me still expects the routine morning phone call from my dad just to check in.

Some particular items of my dad's that I chose to keep were an angel coin given to him by a cancer nurse, a favorite "U.S. Open" golfing cap, a yellow button down cardigan, and a pen that I had given him as a gift. I suppose these items are special to me because they are tangible and somehow make me feel nearer to him. These things are here even though dad is gone and they do bring a sense of comfort to my broken heart. I can wear the cap and sweater, hold the coin and use the pen. I still picture dad sitting at the kitchen table in his home writing bills, envision him on that golf course wearing the cap, remember him wearing the sweater to his youngest grandson's baptism, and recall the day I took him to the cancer center for his first chemo treatment. All these things remind me that he was real and he was here. What was left behind remains a part of my dad and now a part of me…

I love you, Daddy-O

One year has passed and to this day, I miss you more than words can say... I miss your love, your smile, your cheer... When I miss you most, I feel you near... God in his love for me has shown, His wisdom in taking you to his home... And so dear one, I want you to know... That to this day I miss you so.

Dad passed away this time last year July 14, 2006. I knew my dad for 35 years and will cherish all the time that I had him here. He was the most amazing father a daughter could ever ask for. There was nothing my daddy wouldn't do for me and he always tried everything in his power to keep a smile on my face. He certainly knew how to make me laugh

My dad was such a beautiful man with a giving heart and gentle soul. He always seemed to have the right words for me when I would seek his advice. Knowing I could go to my dad always reminded me that I had a safe place and a hug would be waiting. It is difficult sometimes thinking that I will never be able to feel his arms around me, hear his voice or see that shine in his eyes that always made me feel so safe, warm and happy.

I will never be too old to be considered daddy's little girl. I looked up to him in so many ways and I still do. He touched so many people during his life on this earth and I am sure that he is having that same effect in heaven.

Always in my heart…

I love you, Daddy-O

These are fathers, not strangers

I consider myself very lucky. I have two of the greatest little kids in the world and their daddy is such a loving and generous man. He works hard and always makes sure that we have everything we need. Even though he calls me when I'm out by myself to find out what to give the kids for dinner or leaves toothpaste in the sink, I couldn't be happier about the husband and father he is. I know there are many women out there who have to deal with deadbeat dads, who don't pay child support or many times don't even want to be a part of their children's lives. I am glad to know that our legal system makes a decent effort to bring these poor excuses for parents to light and makes them accountable.

But what about the sorry excuses for women who are the custodial parent and continue to demand money from the child's father or refuses to work amicably with the father on issues regarding the child? Too often, these women will limit or refuse the father's visitation even after a court order. Many times the fathers cannot depend on the courts to help, as the courts continue to side with the mother, allow venues to be changed, or even leave cases going on for years. These women are rarely forced to share parenting time or made to cooperate so that the child can have both parents in their lives. Fathers tend to give up after awhile because they are tired of fighting for their rights or cannot afford to keep fighting a custodial mother who refuses to obey the courts anyway.

These loving fathers genuinely want to be a part of their children's lives. They aren't in it for financial gain or another selfish motive, but because they want to be a part of their child's life. I guarantee these fathers would take their child in a minute to live with them, even if there wasn't child support involved!

It's really sad to witness these kids almost be held ransom by their "mothers" who are too selfish to see that the child needs both parents! Maybe they claim that they know what is best for the child, but how can the best interest be to keep them from their father. Even if these mothers claim they don't keep the father out of the child's life, if things are not exactly on their terms, then the father is not going to see or speak to the child. PERIOD!

Any smart person can see that the mother is not setting a good example for her children if she demonstrates a lack of respect for the other parent, demonstrates her selfishness by not helping with visitation (timing or transportation) and shows her greediness by saying the child support is not enough. Which I find very funny because these women seem to think the non-custodial parent is the primary monetary source to provide for the child. But then most times the father's aren't even included on the decisions regarding their child.

But what is being done to stop these women? Not a lot. Children need their fathers too. There are so many rights out there that people fight for, so why are there so few supporting our non-custodial parents and the children they rarely get to see? Why must these father's jump through hoops just to get their rights warranted? Are father's rights less important than the mother's? And what about these poor children who believe that their dads don't want any part of their lives because their mother's have cleverly clouded their judgement. These are fathers, not strangers. These women need to stop trying to play the protective mother, because all they are really doing is hurting these chidren!

I have too many friends who have dealt with these same issues. Some are the father's, some are the children of divorced parents, some are the girlfrends, some are the new wives... All I know is that it is a sad, sad thing...